When in question, fear or doubt, run in circles, scream and shout

Well, I finally got the test results back on that pap smear I had done a couple weeks ago. This was the follow up to the abnormal one I had back in August. When we did the colposcopy then, it came back inconclusive, they couldn’t tell what had caused the abnormal result. The doctor said that it was probably either an infection or from the HPV.

I had to call the doctor to get the results from this one. They finally called me back this morning and said that it came back abnormal again. The nurse didn’t have any further information so had to have the doctor call me back after lunch. He said that the pap came back as mild dysplasia, and that I need to have another colposcopy done within the next month.

Mild dysplasia is not cancer, it’s pre-cancer sign. Whatever that means. Actually, from what I’ve read online, mild dysplasia often disappears without treatment within 2 years. It is still probably caused by the HPV, and does not mean that I’m going to get cancer.

All of that being said, this scares the shit out of me. Maybe it was mild dysplasia the last time and they just couldn’t tell for whatever reason. But if not, that means that it’s gotten worse instead of better. What’s going to happen in six months? A year? Will it continue to get worse or will it go away on its own?

Then there’s the money side of it. Another $600 test, plus the $200 I’ll have to pay the doctor for performing the test. Money that we don’t have. Money that we’ll have to come up with cuz we just don’t have a choice, do we? And what if it turns into cancer? What the hell are we going to do then?

Chris wants me to go sign up at the Indian Clinic and have it taken care of there. Which is actually a good idea, and something I should have done before now. However, they only take 34 new patients a month, you have to call in on the right day to get signed up. Then you have to show up on the right day to do the paperwork and have a physical (which is a month after you get signed up). Then I think you get to start using the facility – on a first come first serve basis. Show up at 7:00 in the morning and hope they have time to see you. Or that the doctor you need to see is there that day. Maybe they make appointments for stuff like this, I don’t know. I’ve put a call in, haven’t heard back from them yet.

Poor Chris, he called me right after I’d gotten off the phone with the doctor. I kinda played it down when I told him, then got upset with him when he mentioned the money thing. He’s been out looking for a job, we’ve decided that he really needs one that offers health insurance. I’m pretty sure that if you get insurance thru your employer, they don’t check the pre-existing condition thing.