Friday, March 10, 2006

Calmer now

I was re-reading my earlier post, and realized that it sounded like I don't want my mother to come and live with me, and that's not the case.

When I was in my teens and early twenties, Mom and I would go round and round. I would tell her that she had to quit judging me by what I had done before, and give me a chance to prove that I had grown up and responsible (at least compared to how I was at 16-18). Now I'm finding that that's a whole lot easier to say than to do.

I know I frustrate Mom because I won't let her help around the house when she's over. The only thing I'll ever let her do is dishes, and that was her chore when she was a kid and she absolutely hates doing dishes now (which explains why as soon as we were old enough, dishes became Lesley and my chore!). We went through a rough patch after Mom had her aneurysm. It was a couple weeks before the wedding and she was staying with us, because she couldn't stay by herself. Every day when we came home, we had to dig through the trash to see what she had thrown away that day, which was anything that was left on any table in the house - pictures, candy dishes, candles, mail, whatever.

Mom doesn't actually remember all of the above - or many other things that I'm not putting on here. She has about a 2 month blank in her memory, and we just don't discuss what happened during that time because she gets really upset. (I happen to know that she doesn't read this blog or I wouldn't be talking about it here, so please don't mention it to her).

I really do try to not hold that stuff against her. It's not truly her fault - well it is, but it isn't. But I have a hard time not reacting to how she was before rather than how she is now. Which is 1000% better than then.

And, when she's not arguing with me about why can't we buy a house here, and then slowly move her stuff here, and then work on the house in Tulsa, and then put it on the market to sell it - while making payments on the house in Tulsa, we get along really well.

I've really been looking forward to her being here. I've missed my mommy.

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