He made it through

The doctor was very pleased with how things went yesterday, and said that Dad has good muscle in that thigh, which will really help with the healing. Dad was in quite a bit of pain yesterday, which he didn't understand. He seemed to think that there wouldn't be any pain once the leg was gone. We tried to explain that he'd had major surgery, so he was going to hurt for a little while, but that they would be giving him drugs to help, and once he was healed, there shouldn't be any more pain at all.

Unless he gets phantom pains. Please God, just for once make it easy on Dad and let there be no more pain.

As for me, I was fine until they brought him back up to his room, and I saw his wrapped leg. My first thought was "Oh God, there's been a terrible mistake. Put it back!" My second thought was a morbid curiosity to see the amputation. Probably perfectly normal, but still. I did manage to hold it together until we were almost home. I asked Chris what he thought they did with the leg - incinerate it, throw it out with the trash, what? And then I cried.

I know that this was necessary, and I still believe that he will be healthier minus the leg. But Dad didn't want to do this, and I think he agreed to do it because I told him he should. And last night he kept asking why it still hurt, it wasn't supposed to hurt anymore. Just make it stop hurting.

I know that life's not fair. It's hard and it hurts, and sometimes I wonder why we even try. But it's the only game in town and we have to get up every morning and do the best we can.

But for once, just one time, I wish that it would stop kicking my Daddy in the face.