Monday, September 17, 2007

37

It's my birthday, and I'm really kind of having a hard time with this one.

The worst thing about 30 was realizing that that's how old my dad was when he was injured. I spent a lot of time thinking about that and being very grateful that I was so healthy.

32 was harder. Nothing specific, it just seemed more real to me. Damn, I'm in my 30's.

I don't even remember what I thought about for 35. Whatever it was, age wasn't bothering me enough to remember now.

And now I'm 37.

We went to (my very first) a country concert last night. Clint Black. He's one of Chris' favorite country artists, so I ordered tickets as soon as I heard about it. I only knew 2 of the songs, but he played a 2 hour set at a small venue, which are my favorite kinds. So it was a good concert and I enjoyed myself.

At least when I wasn't thinking about the chapters I hadn't read yet for school and planning my day at work today.

There was this little old lady there. She had to be 80. And she danced and danced and danced. I wish I'd taken my camera just so I could have taken pictures of her having such a good time. I actually watched her more than I watched the show.

On the way home I told Chris that I was feeling pretty old for this birthday and I'd figured out why. (I know, I know. I'm not even 40 yet, just wait until then, blah blah!) I used to be fun. We'd go somewhere, anywhere, and we'd just about always have a good time. Laugh, alot.

Then I started growning up and I still was fun, but I also knew I needed to be home at a certain time so I could go to work in the morning, and so it wasn't the same kind of fun it was before.

Now, I just don't feel like I'm really fun anymore. I'm always thinking of what I should be doing, or that deadline that's coming up, or whatever.

When did I stop being fun?

So my goal for this next year is to re-learn how to be fun. Not to let go of all the responsibilities, but to maybe forget about them occasionally, for just a little while.

To learn that the world isn't going to end if I actually let go, for just a little while.

1 Comments:

Blogger Sandra D said...

Well, since you asked, you quit being fun when you went back to school. After that you never had time for anything else anymore.

Um, that sounds kind of harsh, doesn't it? But you did ask!

If you think 37 is bad, wait until you're 45 and pissin' your pants every time you sneeze, just like your favorite auntie does.

Have a happy!

10:57 PM  

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