37

It's my birthday, and I'm really kind of having a hard time with this one.

The worst thing about 30 was realizing that that's how old my dad was when he was injured. I spent a lot of time thinking about that and being very grateful that I was so healthy.

32 was harder. Nothing specific, it just seemed more real to me. Damn, I'm in my 30's.

I don't even remember what I thought about for 35. Whatever it was, age wasn't bothering me enough to remember now.

And now I'm 37.

We went to (my very first) a country concert last night. Clint Black. He's one of Chris' favorite country artists, so I ordered tickets as soon as I heard about it. I only knew 2 of the songs, but he played a 2 hour set at a small venue, which are my favorite kinds. So it was a good concert and I enjoyed myself.

At least when I wasn't thinking about the chapters I hadn't read yet for school and planning my day at work today.

There was this little old lady there. She had to be 80. And she danced and danced and danced. I wish I'd taken my camera just so I could have taken pictures of her having such a good time. I actually watched her more than I watched the show.

On the way home I told Chris that I was feeling pretty old for this birthday and I'd figured out why. (I know, I know. I'm not even 40 yet, just wait until then, blah blah!) I used to be fun. We'd go somewhere, anywhere, and we'd just about always have a good time. Laugh, alot.

Then I started growning up and I still was fun, but I also knew I needed to be home at a certain time so I could go to work in the morning, and so it wasn't the same kind of fun it was before.

Now, I just don't feel like I'm really fun anymore. I'm always thinking of what I should be doing, or that deadline that's coming up, or whatever.

When did I stop being fun?

So my goal for this next year is to re-learn how to be fun. Not to let go of all the responsibilities, but to maybe forget about them occasionally, for just a little while.

To learn that the world isn't going to end if I actually let go, for just a little while.