Funny, but probably true

I get a daily funny fax at work, and the other day, this one was on it. Since Chris and I are considering starting our family, it seemed appropriate.

Try these before you have children:

1. Grocery Store Test - borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

2. Dressing Test - obtain a large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag, making sure that all arms stay inside.

3. Feeding Test - obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy ceral (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

4. Physical Test (Women) - obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for nine months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

5. Final Assignment - Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Enjoy this experience, it will be the last time you will have all the answers.