Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Life Happens

I went to my doctor yesterday for my regular six month checkup (to make sure the blood pressure medicine is still working properly), and I talked to my doctor about starting on an antidepressant.

I took Zoloft for years before I moved to OKC and it always worked well for me. Then I started on meth and stopped taking the Zoloft. Once I moved to OKC I guess I just didn't feel like I needed it. I'd done without it for a couple years and seemed to be doing fine.

Over the last few years I've had to deal with alot of stuff - Mom and Dad, getting married, work, school...Life. I've wanted to start back on something for a couple of years now, but Chris is REALLY against the idea. He says that I'm not that bad and that he loves me just the way I am - moodiness and all. He says that I need to start doing something just for me, and that when I start getting pissed off about something really stupid I just need to realize that it's stupid and let it go.

I've tried that. Believe me, I have. I told him as much - for the last six months or so I've made a real effort to control my anger and to let the little stuff go. Cuz it's always the little stuff that sets me off - walking into the kitchen and seeing all the cabinet doors open again (what does he have against closed cabinet doors?) - and then all the little stuff adds up into this huge deal and I just go off. And I know when I'm doing it that I'm being ridiculous but I can't stop myself. I've tried.

I'm just not happy and I know that I have everything in the world to be happy about. I have a wonderful husband that I love more than I ever dreamed I could. I have a great job making decent money, we just bought an awesome house that's more than I ever imagined that I'd have. I make good grades in school and I'm basically healthy. I have everything I could want and most of the time I just can't enjoy it.

I don't expect perfection. Ever. Money's tight cuz we spent a bit more on the house than we should have, so this month I'm juggling bills, but I know that in another month or two we'll be back on track. There's never enough time in the day to get everything done, Mom or Dad are always going to need something. Life happens and there's always going to be something to stress about. I just want to be able to enjoy it at the same time.

So I started on Zoloft last night. It won't really take affect for a couple of weeks, but I already feel lighter and happier knowing that I'm finally taking steps to make things better.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I got prescribed Lexapro last year after I got "Asked to resign" from Quality Mortgage after 5 years. Even months prior to being asked to resign I had been struggling. I was really in pretty bad shape at the time. But I hid just how bad it was from the "Fam", because I didn't want people to worry. However I only took one month of the Lexapro, I had called in the 2nd refill, but never picked it up. 1 month "Fixed" me so to speak. After that 1 month my head was so much clearer than it had ever been before. I was focused and had drive in me again.

However, lately with being laid off and having to move back in with Mom and Mike, I kinda wish I had that 2nd refill now.

Depression sucks! I get health insurance again at my new job in 2 month. I plan on seeing if I can get put back on Lexapro. For a month at least...

4:31 AM  
Blogger bookworm said...

I've only been taking the Zoloft for six days now, so I'm not getting any real effect yet. Well, except for the side effects, nausea is the worst so far. I've also caught myself grinding my teeth. And zoning - I keep catching myself staring off into space, not really thinking about anything and realize that 10 minutes has gone by. Not a good thing at work but oh well.

The doctor said it would take a couple weeks before I'd notice a real effect and that I need to plan on being on it for at least 6 months.

Crossing my fingers that it works....

10:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ask your doctor about Lexapro then... Honestly after 1 month my head was so clear. I could actually focus and get stuff done... Instead of just thinking of doing stuff and then sitting on my ass and not doing it. Like I am now. That's why I want back on it. I didn't have any side effects... Except one of the side effects is supposed to weaken and or kill your libido... Well my libido had been dead for some time, so it did the opposite to me. *Wink* Anyway, I was in a really horrible place when I was depressed. Like I said I didn't want anyone to worry, so no one really knew how bad the depression was, but I had started cutting myself on my forearms, my ankles and thighs. I now have scars...

As you know we didn't have the means to go to doctor when I was younger after moving back in with mom anyway. And I haven't been to a psychologist since I was 14, which lasted 3-4 weeks.. ??, if that. But I had many problems starting at age 6, after leaving the house in Tulsa. So I can tell you via self diagnoses that I have ADD, high anxiety, dyslexia, and currently mild depression. None of which have been formally diagnosed. But I've read enough to know what's plaguing me. And Lexapro helped everything except obviously the dyslexia.

It might not be right for you, but it never hurts to ask...

Love ya,


4:34 AM  

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