Wanna Be Neighbors?

I told you we were Rednecks!

Life is Good

The pills appear to be working! The side effects disappeared, but I upped my dose yesterday, so I’m waiting to see if they come back. I had some nausea this morning, but not as bad as it was when I first started, so I can live with that. Hopefully it disappears pretty quickly.

Last week I got irritated with Chris for something stupid and I WAS ABLE TO LET IT GO!!! You have no idea how awesome that was. I don’t even remember what it was about or where we were going, but rather than ruining the entire evening I forgot all about it.

And Chris has admitted that I’m a bit easier to live with. This weekend we even spent some time laughing about something, and I couldn’t tell you the last time that happened.

As a bonus, I’m losing some weight. The negative side of that is that one of my favorite pairs of pants is way to big now (I can pull them over my hips while still buttoned – which is not something I wanted to find out about at work but what do you do?) and I hate wearing a belt. I’m wondering if I dare pull out the sewing machine and try to take them in? Maybe I should just take them to a tailor….

In the meantime, my office is starting to come together – I have my bookshelves put up. I haven’t put any books on them yet because I want to try to organize them so my plan is to spread them out in the front room, get rid of duplicates and any books that I won’t ever read again and then put them on the shelves by author and series. I thought about trying to catalogue them and then I decided that I was crazy to even consider it.

This is a busy week. I have to give a speech on Thursday that I thought was next week, so tonight I get to go finish that up. Then I’ve got a test in my law class on Monday (thank goodness for open book tests) and I signed up to do the Ethics Essay contest again this year (what the hell was I thinking?). I got the case study yesterday and it’s due next Friday. Last year they gave us 3 full weeks, this year less than 2.

Bridge – thank you for your comments. I must say that you hid it well and that I never had any idea. That’s really pretty sad though, that we can be so blind to what’s going on in our own families. Come by and see me sometime, you’re welcome to come hang out any time you want (we’re usually home – except for Monday’s which is football night anyway).

Life Happens

I went to my doctor yesterday for my regular six month checkup (to make sure the blood pressure medicine is still working properly), and I talked to my doctor about starting on an antidepressant.

I took Zoloft for years before I moved to OKC and it always worked well for me. Then I started on meth and stopped taking the Zoloft. Once I moved to OKC I guess I just didn't feel like I needed it. I'd done without it for a couple years and seemed to be doing fine.

Over the last few years I've had to deal with alot of stuff - Mom and Dad, getting married, work, school...Life. I've wanted to start back on something for a couple of years now, but Chris is REALLY against the idea. He says that I'm not that bad and that he loves me just the way I am - moodiness and all. He says that I need to start doing something just for me, and that when I start getting pissed off about something really stupid I just need to realize that it's stupid and let it go.

I've tried that. Believe me, I have. I told him as much - for the last six months or so I've made a real effort to control my anger and to let the little stuff go. Cuz it's always the little stuff that sets me off - walking into the kitchen and seeing all the cabinet doors open again (what does he have against closed cabinet doors?) - and then all the little stuff adds up into this huge deal and I just go off. And I know when I'm doing it that I'm being ridiculous but I can't stop myself. I've tried.

I'm just not happy and I know that I have everything in the world to be happy about. I have a wonderful husband that I love more than I ever dreamed I could. I have a great job making decent money, we just bought an awesome house that's more than I ever imagined that I'd have. I make good grades in school and I'm basically healthy. I have everything I could want and most of the time I just can't enjoy it.

I don't expect perfection. Ever. Money's tight cuz we spent a bit more on the house than we should have, so this month I'm juggling bills, but I know that in another month or two we'll be back on track. There's never enough time in the day to get everything done, Mom or Dad are always going to need something. Life happens and there's always going to be something to stress about. I just want to be able to enjoy it at the same time.

So I started on Zoloft last night. It won't really take affect for a couple of weeks, but I already feel lighter and happier knowing that I'm finally taking steps to make things better.