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I told you we were Rednecks!

Life is Good

The pills appear to be working! The side effects disappeared, but I upped my dose yesterday, so I’m waiting to see if they come back. I had some nausea this morning, but not as bad as it was when I first started, so I can live with that. Hopefully it disappears pretty quickly.

Last week I got irritated with Chris for something stupid and I WAS ABLE TO LET IT GO!!! You have no idea how awesome that was. I don’t even remember what it was about or where we were going, but rather than ruining the entire evening I forgot all about it.

And Chris has admitted that I’m a bit easier to live with. This weekend we even spent some time laughing about something, and I couldn’t tell you the last time that happened.

As a bonus, I’m losing some weight. The negative side of that is that one of my favorite pairs of pants is way to big now (I can pull them over my hips while still buttoned – which is not something I wanted to find out about at work but what do you do?) and I hate wearing a belt. I’m wondering if I dare pull out the sewing machine and try to take them in? Maybe I should just take them to a tailor….

In the meantime, my office is starting to come together – I have my bookshelves put up. I haven’t put any books on them yet because I want to try to organize them so my plan is to spread them out in the front room, get rid of duplicates and any books that I won’t ever read again and then put them on the shelves by author and series. I thought about trying to catalogue them and then I decided that I was crazy to even consider it.

This is a busy week. I have to give a speech on Thursday that I thought was next week, so tonight I get to go finish that up. Then I’ve got a test in my law class on Monday (thank goodness for open book tests) and I signed up to do the Ethics Essay contest again this year (what the hell was I thinking?). I got the case study yesterday and it’s due next Friday. Last year they gave us 3 full weeks, this year less than 2.

Bridge – thank you for your comments. I must say that you hid it well and that I never had any idea. That’s really pretty sad though, that we can be so blind to what’s going on in our own families. Come by and see me sometime, you’re welcome to come hang out any time you want (we’re usually home – except for Monday’s which is football night anyway).

Life Happens

I went to my doctor yesterday for my regular six month checkup (to make sure the blood pressure medicine is still working properly), and I talked to my doctor about starting on an antidepressant.

I took Zoloft for years before I moved to OKC and it always worked well for me. Then I started on meth and stopped taking the Zoloft. Once I moved to OKC I guess I just didn't feel like I needed it. I'd done without it for a couple years and seemed to be doing fine.

Over the last few years I've had to deal with alot of stuff - Mom and Dad, getting married, work, school...Life. I've wanted to start back on something for a couple of years now, but Chris is REALLY against the idea. He says that I'm not that bad and that he loves me just the way I am - moodiness and all. He says that I need to start doing something just for me, and that when I start getting pissed off about something really stupid I just need to realize that it's stupid and let it go.

I've tried that. Believe me, I have. I told him as much - for the last six months or so I've made a real effort to control my anger and to let the little stuff go. Cuz it's always the little stuff that sets me off - walking into the kitchen and seeing all the cabinet doors open again (what does he have against closed cabinet doors?) - and then all the little stuff adds up into this huge deal and I just go off. And I know when I'm doing it that I'm being ridiculous but I can't stop myself. I've tried.

I'm just not happy and I know that I have everything in the world to be happy about. I have a wonderful husband that I love more than I ever dreamed I could. I have a great job making decent money, we just bought an awesome house that's more than I ever imagined that I'd have. I make good grades in school and I'm basically healthy. I have everything I could want and most of the time I just can't enjoy it.

I don't expect perfection. Ever. Money's tight cuz we spent a bit more on the house than we should have, so this month I'm juggling bills, but I know that in another month or two we'll be back on track. There's never enough time in the day to get everything done, Mom or Dad are always going to need something. Life happens and there's always going to be something to stress about. I just want to be able to enjoy it at the same time.

So I started on Zoloft last night. It won't really take affect for a couple of weeks, but I already feel lighter and happier knowing that I'm finally taking steps to make things better.

Here kitty kitty

For the first time in some 8 years or so I have a cat!

When I first moved to OKC, the apartment I moved into didn't allow pets. I tried to sneak in a cat, but got caught after a couple of months, so I had to get rid of her.

Then, when Chris and I got together, he had the birds and absolutely refused to even consider getting a cat.

"If the cat killed a bird, I'd have to kill the cat, and then you'd kill me."

Then we had to move in with Mom for three months, and she had Dufus. We decided that we'd keep our bedroom door shut all the time to keep the cat away from the birds.

That lasted about a week.

One day I came home, and Dufus was laying on top of the birds cage and the birds didn't have a problem with him at all. And also? Dufus plays with Rascal! Cool. So I convinced Chris that if I were to ever get a cat, Dufus would be perfect since he gets along with both the birds and the dog. Mom was wanting to get a kitten, but didn't want two cats, so win/win situation!!

I was going to wait until we (finally) get the tile grouted (don't even ask - three weeks later and I'm not a happy camper), but Mom got a notice on her door the other day that because there are so many stray cats at the condos, the HOA is going to take steps to get rid of them. And if your pet gets taken care of too? Too bad. And Dufus gets out the door at least a couple times a week.

So I brought Dufus home last night. He's already getting comfortable (it's easier when he already knows everyone), and while he hasn't left the area I set up for him yet, he's all about us coming in there and loving on him.

I've really missed having a cat and am so happy to have one in my life again.

Now, I have to worry about the one-eyed tom cat across the street and the fact that Dufus has been de-clawed....

I need to send this in to AFV

She killed it about 30 seconds later.

Lesley has a new blog

It's Fairywisdom, and she's actually put up several posts! Now go make a comment so she knows we're out here.

37

It's my birthday, and I'm really kind of having a hard time with this one.

The worst thing about 30 was realizing that that's how old my dad was when he was injured. I spent a lot of time thinking about that and being very grateful that I was so healthy.

32 was harder. Nothing specific, it just seemed more real to me. Damn, I'm in my 30's.

I don't even remember what I thought about for 35. Whatever it was, age wasn't bothering me enough to remember now.

And now I'm 37.

We went to (my very first) a country concert last night. Clint Black. He's one of Chris' favorite country artists, so I ordered tickets as soon as I heard about it. I only knew 2 of the songs, but he played a 2 hour set at a small venue, which are my favorite kinds. So it was a good concert and I enjoyed myself.

At least when I wasn't thinking about the chapters I hadn't read yet for school and planning my day at work today.

There was this little old lady there. She had to be 80. And she danced and danced and danced. I wish I'd taken my camera just so I could have taken pictures of her having such a good time. I actually watched her more than I watched the show.

On the way home I told Chris that I was feeling pretty old for this birthday and I'd figured out why. (I know, I know. I'm not even 40 yet, just wait until then, blah blah!) I used to be fun. We'd go somewhere, anywhere, and we'd just about always have a good time. Laugh, alot.

Then I started growning up and I still was fun, but I also knew I needed to be home at a certain time so I could go to work in the morning, and so it wasn't the same kind of fun it was before.

Now, I just don't feel like I'm really fun anymore. I'm always thinking of what I should be doing, or that deadline that's coming up, or whatever.

When did I stop being fun?

So my goal for this next year is to re-learn how to be fun. Not to let go of all the responsibilities, but to maybe forget about them occasionally, for just a little while.

To learn that the world isn't going to end if I actually let go, for just a little while.

Another bitchy post about parents and their uncontrolled kids

Why is it so hard for parents to control their children? Why do they think it's okay to bring their young children to my house and allow them to destroy my things? WHY? And no, it's not "just being a three-year old".

When Sandie brings Britt over or Des brings Shaley over we have a good time. The kid plays (or runs around in circles or whatever) while we visit, and if the kid starts getting into something they aren't supposed to Sandie or Des says "Hey, don't do that".

So when Chris' friends come over yesterday (they are SO lucky I wasn't home) with their three-year old daughter and allow her to pick up rocks and throw them as hard as they can on my new wood floor or try to push over the boxes we still haven't unpacked or track dog shit in on my brand new carpet and then tell Chris that "She's just being a three-year old"...I just have a hard time believing that since I have friends whose kids aren't like that.

I say Chris' friends because I don't really care for the wife very much. She's a SAHM* who told her husband when she got pregnant the first time that she would go back to work and then quit her job without telling him. When that child got old enough and he told her she had to go back to work, she got pregnant again. He gets an allowance of $20.00 per week while she gets to go shopping every day. She gets mad at Chris because he won't loan them the money to fix their heat and air but they have taken over a year before to pay back $50.00. They borrow things like a (brand-new) lawn mower or a tent and bring it back broken and don't offer to pay to replace it.

And then this morning I'm in the shower and there's no soap. What happened to the soap? I get out of the shower and go looking around and find some in the other bathroom and it has this black stuff all over it. I didn't really think that much about it and just wash it off and finish my shower. When I said something to Chris about it he says: "She didn't wash it off?" "Wash what off?" "That's the soap she used to clean the dog shit off her daughter's feet yesterday." *shudder*. I wasn't wearing my glasses when I found the soap but she didn't clean out the sink either.

Who does this shit?

I've told Chris that she and her children are not welcome at my house anymore and I don't have a problem telling her that we don't have kids, my house is not child-proof, and if you are not willing to watch your children then don't bring them to my house.

Everyone else who actually watches and takes care of their children: Come on over.

*Disclaimer - I have no problem at all with SAHM's, if you can afford to do it I think it's great. What I have a problem with is when you lie to your husband and tell him you're going to go back to work and then on your own decide that you don't want to regardless of whether you can afford to stay home or not. And then you spend all your time buying useless shit at garage sales but won't give your husband $20.00 to go fishing and so MY husband has to pay for him to go fishing. But that's a whole different bitch session.

I'm Glad I'm Not the Only One

I've been reading other peoples blogs and there's a couple others who have been buying a house and moving at the same time we are. I really appreciated reading this one from Rude Cactus about all the trips made to Home Depot. I can't top the 5 trips in one weekend, but we've been at least once a day since we bought the house! Over three weeks that's a lot of trips and way more money than I thought we'd spend. Thank goodness that's just about done. We still have a little paint to buy and whatever we decide to do with the office and then we're DONE. At least for now. (Unless the gravitational pull of the Home Depot half a mile from the house pulls us in.)

It's funny how different people see the same space. We've had several people over to see the house in progress, and every one of them has had suggestions for what we ought to do here or there. None of them have agreed, including Chris and I. We're learning the fine art of compromise.

Once the movers are done, I'm going to start unpacking and Chris has to finish our kitchen cabinets. I swear the previous owner built them himself in the backyard. I don't think he even used the nice (level) garage. The fronts aren't so bad (although he didn't sand the wood before badly staining it - it's going to be a bitch to keep them clean), but he didn't put backs or tops on any of it. So you open the cabinet door and look at dusty sheetrock. And holes. I couldn't tell you why there are holes, but there's three or four of them just letting whatever lives in the walls out onto my dishes. Well, not onto my dishes because I refuse to put anything in there until this problem is solved. I bought some contact paper but Chris didn't like that idea. Instead he went and bought a table saw (you saw that one coming, didn't you?) and is going to build tops and backs for the cabinets.

Now he wants a miter saw so that he can do the trim in the living room. We were going to wait for our carpenter friend (who works for beer) to do it, but dove season is coming up, and I'd really like that part to be done before NOVEMBER.

That's okay though, because I've been wanting a camcorder, and since I'm taking my Speech class online, I need one to record my speeches so that I don't have to go to school and stand up in front of people and talk. So he gets a couple of toys tools and so do I.

(I got the strike thru to work!)

Speaking of dove season, we're leaving Friday the 31st for Sandy Sanders so that Chris can get out at sunrise to kill birds. I'm going, but it's just too damn hot this early in the season to be running around the desert looking for dove. That and my eyesight is too bad to really dove hunt. By the time I see the little fuckers it's too late to shoot them. Darn! It's an interesting place though and beautiful in it's own way. I never dreamed that we have actual desert here in Oklahoma. I'm worried about taking the mutt though, there's nothing out there that doesn't bite - cactus, mesquite trees, rattlesnakes. Personally, I prefer the Blue River (be sure and check out all the pics - it's a beautiful place).

Here's Rascal's favorite spot while we've been working at the house:


(I finally figured out that I can't use the Blogger insert picture deal - I just have to copy the HTML straight from Flickr!)

Moving Today

The movers are coming today. Actually, by now they've already arrived. I had always said that we needed to use movers but Chris wanted to do it all himself and save some money. Then, we spent the last three weeks working non-stop on the house and he agreed that movers would be good.

The extra money from the install he did this week didn't hurt either.

I have to work all day, so they should be done by the time I get home. And then I get to start unpacking. I'm actually excited about that - I'm so ready to have all of my stuff around me again. I'm sure we'll go thru a week or two where we can't find everything, but it'll be better than not having it at all.

I'm going to try some before and after pictures - I hope this works:

The Master Bedroom Before:


The Master Bedroom After:


The Living Room Before:


The Living Room After:


I didn't take an after picture of the living room from the same angle, but you get the idea.

These were the two rooms that we made the biggest change in. We're not painting the entry or the hallway until we get all the furniture moved in, so we don't have to repaint anything. We haven't decided what to do in my office yet. We were going to do concrete stain on the floor, but there's a crack where the slab meets the stem wall and if we fill it in with concrete, we'd have to wait 30 days before we could do the floor. So now I have no idea what the plan is. Maybe some ceramic tile. Who knows. It's not stopping us from moving in, so we'll worry about it later.

I'm so excited. Today we officially move in!!!